To Grow Up
by Noclaf
Summary: They taught him how to imagine a bowl of fireflakes; Rufio eats them one-by-one.


div id="chapters" style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; color: #2a2a2a; line-height: 19.4443px;"  
div class="userstuff" style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; word-wrap: break-word;"  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""When will you ever grow up Zuzu?" It's Azula wrapping herself around his bedpost, serpentine and poisonous. "You're such a dumb baby."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko doesn't bother to turn toward her, hands carefully adjusting his topknot. "Get out." He growls around the golden pin between his teeth./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Azula thumps down on to his bed and gives him her saddest lion-puppy eyes through the mirror. "But this could be out last goodbye brother!" She rolls so that she's spread eagle and her head dangles off the edge, "Your hair is crooked."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Get. Out." Zuko growls. His hair is crooked, but he jams the pin through anyway./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Zu-zuuuuu! This is our last goodbye! Dad's going to kill you for real this time." She rolls into a siting position, face solemn. "Mom's not around to save you anymore."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Father doesn't have anything to do with this, it's between me and General Haung. This is important, top secret stuff that doesn't have anything to do with you or Mom. So GET OUT!" Zuko punctuates the last bit with a fireball at Azula's head, but she flips nimbly away./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Poor Zuzu, you don't know a thing. Insulting the Firelord's trusted adviser in his own war room, just what were you thinking? Maybe you'll be lucky and Dad'll just banish you."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Shut up!" Screams Zuko, his voice cracking. "You don't know anything about anything!" He throws another fireball, smaller and more precise, but it only catches air as Azula dodges again. His bed starts on fire while Azula dances away. He kicks flame at her, using both feet, driving her out his door into the hallway./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Get OUT!" He roars pushing a wall of flame behind her. When the sparks settle she's nowhere to be seen./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko takes a few deep breaths, extinguishes his bed, and then turn back to his mirror. His topknot is more than crooked now, and he pulls the mess apart to start over. As he brushes his hair out, he catches sight of Azula, leaning almost out of sight around the hallways corner./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Her expression takes a moment to place; it could almost be concern./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko shivers, and jams his hair into place. He should to talk to uncle, just in case./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"-br /"Zuko, I am glad to see you my nephew." Uncle Iroh draws him into a hug, his voice warm but concerned. "I thought you wished to remain aldfn class="dictionary-of-numbers" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"one in your quarters /dfnbefore your Agni-Kai."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""I did." He pauses, and then draws a deep breath, "but Azula..." He trails off unsure how to continue. He feels like a child, running to mother for protection, unable to stand up against a sister dfn class="dictionary-of-numbers dictionary-of-numbers-quantity-63072000s dictionary-of-numbers-processed" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"two years/dfn his /"Never mind, it's stupid." He says pushing away from Uncle./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"But Iroh's hand locks on his wrist. "What did your sister say?" His voice has is the harsh note of command in it, and then more gently, "Tell me?"/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko hesitates, "She said..." A deep breath, "She said I was stupid..." And he feels stupid saying this, "...that Father will..." And his mind wants to skip over it, "...that this time..." And he cannot finish this. Cannot tell his uncle what haunts his dreams, because saying it out loud might make it real./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Your father does not want what is best for you." Uncle's face is grave and he does not look Zuko in the eye. "He wishes Azula to be heir and you have given him an excuse to pass over you."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko wants to say: "No! My Father loves me!" But he cannot, the words stuck in his chest. Uncle draws him down to the table, set with tea, and Zuko realizes he is trembling. That he cannot stop trembling./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""My nephew" says Uncle, his voice set with grief, "you are grown in the eyes of the Fire Nation. Old enough to attend a war council. Old enough for Agni-Kai." He pauses, and wipes away Zuko's tears. "Old enough for death... Or banishment."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"There is a long pause where neither says anything. Only Zuko's harsh breathing breaks the silence./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Finally uncle speaks. "Go back to your quarters." He says; "I will speak with your father."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"As Zuko leaves Uncle calls from behind him; "Zuko, you will be an adult in the Eyes of the Nation tomorrow, remember that."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko wanders the halls In a daze, he feels hot and cold and twice has to duck into a corner to dry heave. He makes it back to his bedroom where the linens are still burnt, and heaves again. He cannot do this. He cannot challenge his own father. His father loves him./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko remembers running on the beaches of Ember Island, his father laughing and tossing him in the air. He remembers his father's pride when he first bent a flame. His father loves him./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"He wonders why he cannot call Father "dad". He tries to remember his father's pride after his first day at the academy, but his mother's face is the only dfn class="dictionary-of-numbers" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"one he can conjure/dfn. He cannot remember the last time father smiled at him./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"After Ludfn class="dictionary-of-numbers" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"-ten had died/dfn, his grandfather had hated him too, but before that... When he was small his grandfather would set him on his knee and feed him fireflakes one-by-one./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"When had he gotdfn class="dictionary-of-numbers" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"ten too old for /dfnhis father and forefather? When did little mistakes become life or death?/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"He wishes he could still be a boy who played with knives and coddled turtle-ducks./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"He wishes he had never grown /-br /Zuko is still awake sometime between midnight and dawn, wrapped on a singed blanket on his tiny balcony. The moon is bright and only a few stars are visible. The second on the right is brightest./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Zuko stares at it unblinkingly, trying not to think of tomorrow, and watches it grow brighter./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"And brighter./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"And brighter./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"He stands up, blanket falling off of him, and shields his eyes with his hand as the star falls. It is not a star, Zuko realizes, but a tiny spirit./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Hello." Says the /"Hello" says Zuko, and then formally " I am Zuko, son of Firelord Ozi and Firelady Ursa; heir to Fire Nation."/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Are you really?" Asks the spirit./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""Of course!" Says the prince, "Wha- Who are you?"/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;""I'm a fairy," says the spirit, "You may call me Tink. And you should know better than to give your name away so easily."br /-br /The next morning the Firelord burns with rage, the cowardly boy has disappeared, and without a body or a reason, the court's suspicious eyes turn his /-br /"RUFIO RUFIO RU-FI-OOOOooooo!"/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"He loves when they chant his name. Loves the way their eyes turn to him, they're adoration and respect in their smiles. Loves the way they love him totally and unconditionally./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"After all, he is their leader./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"He rides the glider down it's track, swings from the trapezes, and drops into his frenzied court./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Today there is a pirate, and they kill pirates (and lawyers, whatever they are, can die too).br /-/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Rufio watches the Lawyer struggle through the adventures of Neverland and hates him. Peter Pan was gdfn class="dictionary-of-numbers" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"one or dead long /dfnbefore he arrived in Neverland, and it was Pan's fault the Lost Boys had been so pathetic when he arrived./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Rufus's own arrival to Neverland is the brightest and fuzziest of his memories. He remembers the joy of sledding for true first time, but not why he had never ddfn class="dictionary-of-numbers" style="border: 0px !important; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; cursor: inherit; text-decoration: inherit; color: inherit; display: inline !important; position: static !important; background-color: inherit;"one it before/dfn. He knows he's never heard of Indians until he met the Chief, but he knew to hate pirates long before he saw them./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"The first time Rufio played with the Lost Boys they're were less than a dozen of them, dirty, unorganized, and grieving Peter Pan. He taught them how to play "build a roof in this tree so I can sleep tonight". They taught him how to imagine a bowl of fireflakes; Rufio eats them one-by-one./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Rufio remembers learning basketball, skateboarding, marbles, jacks, tag, hide-and-seek, ball-and-cup, rugby, mother-may-I, and a thousand other games, but doesn't know when he learned to fight. He taught the Lost Boys how to hold a sword or shield; how to create a strategy and follow through, how to retreat and recover. The Boys teach him how to make a fire, but Rufio cannot understand why fire will not simply appear the way food will. Tink might know but she won't share./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"Rufio watches the Lost Boys try to teach the lawyer how to exercise the way he taught them. When he tries to remember who taught him, he gets vertigo. They put the Lawyer in a slingshot and it reminds him that he cannot fly. To fly is to be free from Neverland, and Rufio never, never wants to leave./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"When the Lawyer learns to fight, and fly and crow, Rufio admits this man is the Peter Pan. He wonders what that means for him and his boys. He never finds out./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"When Rufio looks into the eyes of Peter Pan, he finally sees what he can never have. "If I had a Dad," he croaks, "I'd want him to be just like you". But his father will never be like Peter Pan./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"His father is the Firelord./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"His father is a pirate./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-size: 15.12px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5;"And Rufio kills pirates./p  
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